Light Bulb!

Last night was a terribly long night. After spending what seemed like hours tossing and turning (really only 1.5 hours) thinking about my previously mentioned friend I got up and wrote her a text message. I was going to save it and send it today but I accidentally pushed send. Sorry Erika-it was soooo late. Then I went back to bed to try to get some sleep. All that came of the attempt was more tossing and turning. Somewhere around one in the morning a light bulb suddenly turned on and I figured out why moving away from her has been so unbelievably hard on me. I have never had a relationship like ours with another woman. My mom and I have never been very close because for various reasons I have had difficulty throughout my life both confiding in her and trusting her. I don't have a sister so I have never had a sisterly bond with anyone either. Of course I have Derrick and he is amazing, but it was great to have another woman to talk to, laugh with, cry with, and share my life with. I believe there are things we women share together that the men in our lives will never understand or fully appreciate...but Erika got all of me. There were things I could share with her I had never been able to share with anyone else. The best part was that sometimes I didn't even have to say it...she simply just knew! I need her like I have never needed another "sister" before. Selfishly deep down I wanted her to need me as much as I need her. What I realized sometime in the middle of the night is that she NEVER will. She has always been close to her mom and her sister so she has them to turn to. She recently had her gall bladder removed and I had tried to call three or fours time to arrange to go to Washington to help her after the surgery. I found out that she actually packed up her kids and went to Arizona to have the surgery so she could be with her mom and sister. As much as I would love to trade places with either one of them I am so so grateful they can be there for her and that she has them to lean on. How incredibly lucky she is to have them and they get the sweetest end of the deal because they have her. Although it hurts to know I will always need her more than she'll ever need me I now feel like this huge burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. I can now begin to heal my troubled heart! Erika-just remember I love you, miss you, and you are an irreplaceable source of all things good in my life!