Just Venting

For those of you reading this you should be aware that this post is really just me venting about things I've been feeling for a very long time. I've tried numerous times to talk to Derrick about it but it is one of those things that a guy just can't understand (at least my husband can't and he has tried...I can't really ask for more than that). I know that writing things down can be extremely therapeutic so I'm hoping that getting it all out and written down is going to help.

When we lived in Washington we were quite sociable people. We were never lacking in things to do or people to do things with. Gig Harbor truly become home to us and so many of our friends were like our family. There was one family in particular who we became especially close to. They were our family in every sense of the word. We did practically everything with them and were so close we knew basically everything there was to know about each other and told each other practically everything. Her and I would talk literally every single day and sometimes multiple times a day. We knew all the daily goings on in each others houses and I loved it. I always knew there was some one there no matter what...if I needed someone to celebrate with, cry with, hang out with, escape with, sew with, etc. she was always there. She was so so so much more than a friend...she was/is my sister. He was the best friend Derrick has ever had. He and Derrick thought up some of the most hair-brained schemes together which gave all of us something to laugh about for hours on end. More than that though Derrick had someone he could confide in and trust to give him sound advice to some of life's most meaningful and difficult questions. They have two girls who we all loved as if they were our own. They also just had a baby boy a few months ago who I have not seen yet but am dying to hold and love. The whole family was just as excited as we were when we found out I was finally pregnant and when baby Melody (that what the girls have always called her) was born.

Moving away from them was so much harder for me than moving away from my entire family and all of my friends when I got married and moved to Washington. My heart aches everyday for all of them. I get so terribly lonely sometimes I'm ready to pack up and move back to Gig Harbor. I know that really isn't possible at this point though and so I cry and feel sorry for myself because I have no one here to call and say "hey you want to hang out?" I've tried to hold on to our relationship but sometimes I can't help but wonder if it is all in vain. They seem to be doing so well and have made other friends to fill the void in their lives when we left. Maybe they have moved on and it's time I/we did too. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much not to talk to her everyday. Or maybe I need to step up my devotion and start calling her everyday to check in like we both did when we still lived there. Maybe I'm over analyzing everything and need to just stop getting so worked up. Maybe I'm having crazy emotions right now and shouldn't be writing any of this. Maybe I need to get a life. Maybe keeping up long distance friendships as intense as ours was is jut not possible. Maybe I need to get out there and find some new friends to call up so I'm not so miserably lonely sometimes. Although I really don't think that would help erase the ache in my heart. I think I really just need to find a better way to deal with missing them all so much so I stop crying about it so darn much. I just don't know how to do that. I also think that I need to step it up a little and be a better friend/sister. I just don't know how to do that without feeling like I am imposing or pestering them.

I guess what this is all really about is that I love them, I miss them, and they are irreplaceable! I'm just having one of those extreme emotional days that all of us women have from time to time. Me more often then others it seems. Surprisingly this little exercise actually worked. I feel so much better now! Much better than I feel after I finish talking to Derrick about all this stuff. If the person who this is about reads this(which you probably will) just remember I love you and miss you terribly! Don't be surprised however if I start calling more often! You just might get sick of me yet!